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More Aviation Humor
https://www.fiddlersgreen.net/forum/viewtopic.php?f=13&t=2864
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Author:  murphyaa [ Fri May 02, 2008 12:19 am ]
Post subject:  More Aviation Humor

Found this on the papermodelers forun, and I am still ROFL.

----------------------------

After every flight, Qantas Airlines pilots fill out a form called a gripe sheet, which conveys to the mechanics problems encountered with the aircraft during the flight that need repair or correction.
The mechanics read and correct the problem, and then respond in writing on the lower half of the form what remedial action was taken, and the pilot reviews the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of humor.
Here are some supposedly actual logged maintenance complaints and problems as submitted by Qantas pilots and the solution as recorded by Qantas maintenance engineers. By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident. (P = The problem logged by the pilot.) (S = The solution and action taken by the engineers.)

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on backorder.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're there for.

P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.

Author:  cdwheatley [ Fri May 02, 2008 8:03 am ]
Post subject: 

Very funny, I love it!!! :lol:

Author:  willygoat [ Fri May 02, 2008 8:35 am ]
Post subject: 

I saw this over there, but stil can't help reading it and laughing. I read it in class the other day and laughed out loud. Needless to say my students looked at me funny.

Author:  airportkid [ Fri May 02, 2008 1:19 pm ]
Post subject: 

That list is missing one of the funniest:

P - Oil seepage #3 propellor
M - Oil seepage normal

P - Propellors #1, #2 and #4 lack normal seepage

Author:  craftyDan [ Fri May 02, 2008 4:20 pm ]
Post subject: 

To me this sounds like a sit-com pitch: Allow pilots to converse freely with maintainers. Hilarity ensues!

It's nice to hear Qantas chooses comedy over tragedy!

Author:  Tahutihotep [ Sat May 03, 2008 12:07 am ]
Post subject: 

told to me by a marine buddy of mine;

(during a heated argument between an officer and a senior enlisted man)

Lieutenant: Gunnery Sergeant, I am a lieutenant in the United States Marine Corps! You will do as I say!

Gunnery Sergeant: Don't flatter yourself, You're a Second Lieutenant!

Author:  Tahutihotep [ Sun May 04, 2008 6:28 pm ]
Post subject: 

A new pilot was going up on his first solo flight he sat in the cockpit of his Cessna 152, and waited for clearance ...

soon he was on his way, he gunned his engine and was off in the wild blue yonder...

but something was wrong, his fuel guage showed he was dangerously low! he did not have enough to make it back to the airport. He was going to crash!

He braced himself for the impact, covering up his face, and saying a prayer as he awaited impending doom..

then he heard a knock on his window. certain it was an angel come to claim him, he turned to look. He was amazed to see a ground crewman standing there. the man signaled for him to open his window..

" Are you going to go yet? The tower gave you clearance half an hour ago!"

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